DoS jokes

What snack do aliens like?

Mars Bars.

What show do orphans hate?

"American Dad."

Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?

Mr. Mime!

Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!

Why do orphans have criminal records?

So they can be wanted.

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

What do orphans not see on a controller?

The home button.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.

What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!