DoS jokes
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Memes
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.