DoS jokes

Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

What time do you think dogs are not happy?

Bulldogs.

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

How do you get a Japanese fanclub?

Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

What do you call a flat chested emo girl?

Cutting board.

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?

The NBA.

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

What do you call the longest reigning monarch?

The queen? No, she dead.

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?

You get no-eye-deer.

Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!

Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?

A: Because they are humerus.