I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
DoS Jokes
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
What do you call a German lesbian?
A Kraut Muncher.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
How do Chinese people name their babies?
They chuck a pan down the stairs.
If you're bored, punch an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
Why do mostly younger orphans get adopted?
Because who wants a traffic an adult?
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
