DoS jokes
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Memes
murder
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.