DoS jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
Memes
My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"
I said, "Paper."
She said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?