SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How do you know youβve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
