DoS jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Memes
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What do you call a bunch of Muslims in a bath?
A bath bomb.