DoS jokes

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?

Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.

Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?

The Parkland kids.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

What kind of jeans do you wear to church?

Holy jeans!

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?

Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist fuck!

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

Why do men have penises?

They gotta shut women up somehow.

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.