DoS jokes
Where do walls shop?--Walmart.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
Memes
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.