DoS jokes

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can't drink and derive.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

What do you call a flat emo kid?

A cutting board.

Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?

Because they're believers.

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?

They both have no way home.

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.

What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!