DoS jokes
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Want to know what I do in my freetime?
Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?
Memes
What do you call German weed?
Mustard Gas.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Why do gays get bad grades?
They don't get straight A's.
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
What do you call an orphan’s picture?
A family photo.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.