DoS jokes

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?

Me: Because I love miners!

Dumb person: Wat idk mean?

Person 1: I don’t know.

Dumb one: Oh u don’t know okie I ask Googol.

Person 1: Wait idk means--

Dumb one (to Googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN?

Googol: I don’t know.

Dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can't drink and derive.

What do you call a chill transgender?

Fictional.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?

They both have no way home.

What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?

Run over.