DoS jokes
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Memes
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What do you call a fat chick with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.