DoS jokes
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
What did I do with the internet?
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12?
They don't have a home button.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
Memes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toed.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
Why do orphans play Minecraft? Because they have no home.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.