DoS jokes
What were the candles doing at a birthday party?
Getting lit.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
Why do orphans have to get an iPhone 12?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Memes
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
What do you call a gay drive up?
A fruit roll-up.
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
How do you get an emo down from a tree?
Cut the rope!
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
What do you call Kevin with no beef?
Chicky.