DoS jokes

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?

An escort.

Why do orphans play GTA 5?

To get wanted!

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

How do you call a cute door?

A-door-able.

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

What do old people have when they are sick.

A going away party.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.

Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?

A slow swimmer...

What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?

A Tyrannosaurus Tex.

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12?

They don't have a home button.