DoS jokes
How do oysters call their friends?
On shell phones!
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Memes
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad never came home with the milk.
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
Why do I support slavery?
Because I’m white.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.