DoS jokes

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

The big hand is on the little hand!

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

What do you call a Black person flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist!

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!

🤣😂😆😁

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She choked.

What do you call a group of emo kids?

The suicide squad.

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

Why do orphans not play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.