DoS jokes
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do bats like to eat?
Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Memes
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
What do you call a white kid who kills another?
Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"