DoS jokes
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Memes
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What do bats like to eat?
Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
How do oysters call their friends?
On shell phones!