DoS jokes
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
Memes
What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?
A sea minor.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
What did Sally do when she got home?
Cry because she has no arms.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
What do you call a skeleton in the snow? A numb skull.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
What do you call an autistic kid with orange hair?
A boomerang.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?
Naked and Afraid.