DoS jokes

What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

Taco Bell going out of business.

How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.

How do you get them back out? Straw.

Why do people watch hentai?

Because they are as fake as pornstars are.

What do you describe Titanic as?

... Broken...

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t do drugs.

What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?

Why?

'Cause I’m digging that ass.

What do you call a man with a curly toe?

Carlito.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.