DoS jokes
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Memes
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...
'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
What do you call an animal that knows karate? Moose Lee 😊😁
What do orphans call a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?