DoS jokes
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Memes
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
what do blind people and orphans have in conman? they both cant see they're parents...
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.