DoS Jokes

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?

Get out of my son!

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.

What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?

Panera Bread.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

... family photo.

How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣

How do you blindfold an Asian?

You use dental floss.

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.

Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.