DoS jokes
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
Memes
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.