DoS jokes

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!

What do you call a short black person?

By their name, you racist!

A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"

A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"

The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?

Debris.

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

What do you call a racist crow?

Jim.

What did Tennessee do?

The same thing Arkansas did.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.