DoS Jokes

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

The image shows two panels labeled "girls" and "boys." In the girls' panel, there are two crying women with the text "I can't believe he didn't cry at the Titanic," and "Do men even have feelings?" In the boys' panel, a "Chad" is contrasted with a screenshot from the Minecraft game, which reads, "Failed to connect to the server. The Hive Java Edition has closed down. Thank you for 8 years of amazing memories! Visit HiveMC.com for more information. We hope to see you on Minecraft: Bedrock Edition. Back to Server List."

What do you call a racist crow?

Jim.

What did Tennessee do?

The same thing Arkansas did.

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

What do you call a rich Chinese man?

Cha-ching!

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.