DoS jokes
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
Memes
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.