DoS jokes
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Memes
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.