DoS jokes
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Memes
jay Z
What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What show do orphans hate?
Family Guy.