DoS jokes

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?

Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.

Q.) What do you call an orphan's family tree?

A.) A family stump.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither of 'em can see their parents.

What do you call an orphan? No home-o.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

What do you call a rooster lollipop?

A cock sucker!

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."