DoS jokes
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A ffsshh.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
Memes
Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE