DoS jokes

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?

A steamed vegetable.

So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?

An avalanche.

What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.

What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?

Explosion.

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.