DoS jokes

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?

A: Right where you left 'em.

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.

How do Asians name their kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.

What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

What country do French Fries come from? Grease.

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?

A hambone.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.