DoS jokes
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
What do planets read?
Comet books.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Memes
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE