Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.
DoS Jokes
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
Why do orphans use water for their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
