DoS jokes
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
Memes
What do you call pasta thatβs made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (Itβs my first one, lol)
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, βI would, but I don't have any money.β She says, βOk, I'll take the duck instead.β He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, βThatβs the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.β So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."