DoS jokes
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
Memes
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."