DoS jokes

What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?

"Meals on Wheels."

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!

What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?

A stink bomb!

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Where you left it.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.

What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.

What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?

Chocolate drops.

What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"