DoS jokes

What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?

"Meals on Wheels."

How do you know a hippie is on her period?

Her socks are missing.

How do you know she's off?

Her socks are tye-dye.

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!

What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?

A stink bomb!

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

What do you call a bear without an ear?

B.

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Where you left it.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.

What part do people slit the most?

Everyone.

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.