Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
DoS Jokes
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream Cheese 😱.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Why do bisexual men 👨 👩 👨 love gay men bisexual men don't love gay men 👬 👨 👨 they just wanted to suck gay men's 👬 cocks 🌭 🌭 because they 👍 👍 like their 🍨 🍨 🍦 🍦 cream filling 😋 ☺ 💕 💖 🤗 😊 😋 ☺ 💕 💖 🤗 😊 😋 ☺
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
