DoS jokes
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Memes
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! πππππππππππππ
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for βBβ shells, and too small for βDβ shells.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.