DoS jokes
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
Memes
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.