I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
DoS Jokes
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
