DoS jokes
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
Memes
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.