DoS jokes

Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.

How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What type of work can orphans do? Homework.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.

What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?

Burial grounds.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.