DoS jokes

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

What do you call a united cow?

United Steaks.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Cause every play has a cast.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.