DoS jokes
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Memes
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.