DoS jokes
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
Memes
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Do you know how to make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"
Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?
They ketchup.