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What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

Why do orphans go to church?

Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?

A cutting board.

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...

Are you angry?

Go bully an orphan!

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.