DoS jokes
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
What do cows like to watch? Moovies.
What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH!!!
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Carlost.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)