DoS jokes
What do you call a bull sleeping?
A bull-dozer.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What do you call a Mexican without a car?
Carlos.
What do you call a dead human?
A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.
What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?
Ten-putt!
What do bitches say?
"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?
They’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”