What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
DoS Jokes
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Did you know that most women are left-handed?
That’s because the majority of them don’t know what to do with rights.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
"How do you make 7 even?"
"Take away the s."
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
