What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why do penguins 🐧 carry fish 🐟 in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Why do people say cheese when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?
Because they were using the computer.
What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?
Then you get the name Chrisa.
What time is it when you cannot do anything?
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
