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Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck dick.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck a big dick.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Give a blowjob.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.