DoS jokes
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!